When we were in Atlantis, a friend of mine had brought a girlfriend as her guest. She introduced her as “my best friend who I make bad decisions with”. Without missing a beat I introduced Jim, “this is my best friend who I make bad decisions with.” I can honestly say that I am married to my best friend.
Our journey has not always been easy, and along with the joys in the highlights, we have overcome many challenges. But I can say that getting through the good, the bad, and the ugly has brought us to a place of our best lives and our best relationship. This is not to minimize my amazing girlfriends whose friendships I also cherish, but I will say being married to your best friend is pretty freaking amazing, but it takes intention! I heard Rachel Hollis say today that her husband is her best friend first and then her husband and I couldn’t agree more!
And because I am practical, for those of you who might be wondering how to foster this friendship with your spouse here are some practical tips:
1.
Make time with your spouse a priority. That deep relationship requires intentional time together. Period. We all know life is super busy, so if you’re not intentional with creating that time and guarding that time, it’s less likely to happen! Make it happen!!
2.
Never stop learning about each other. Ask each other one question a day in person or over text. It can be as simple as, what is your favorite pie? Or As deep as, what is something that you fear? The point is to be continually connecting and learning about each other. There are some great apps and websites with questions to choose from!
3.
Be physically connected with your spouse. This is not just in the bedroom (which is also super important) but in life too!! Hold hands, sit next each other, hug in the kitchen.... heck, kiss in the kitchen!! Physical closeness helps each partner feel connected and secure!
4.
Grow together!! One of the most challenging seasons of our marriage was when Jim and I were growing in different paces or different directions because it ended up creating a distance between us. But when we grow and learning together, it’s a shared experience and a deeper connection. This can be as simple as reading the same book, taking a class together, watching a documentary together, volunteering together!! And here’s a suggestion: learn something that your spouse is into even if you’re not. I learned to play Magic the Gathering with Jim and he learned to do yoga. So if your husband is a golfer, give golf at try!!
5.
Don't be afraid to go through the hard stuff together... to flight it out, to go to counseling, to talk about your deepest feeling and biggest fears. Be vulnerable, be open and be honest. When you open your heart, even the parts you are afraid to and your spouse does too, it creates a bond that is deep and real and true.
6.
Have fun together, be silly, make new adventures!! If you treat your spouse like your best friend, they will become it!! And then you can also make some bad decisions together, and that is often where the real fun is!!
