You are not Perfect, and that is OK.

You are not Perfect, and that is ok.

You Are Not Perfect…. Four words spoken in the middle of a conversation that hit me like an arrow between the eyes.

Think of the different ways you can emphasize that same sentence.

YOU are not perfect.

You ARE not perfect.

You are NOT perfect.

You are not PERFECT!

It was like looking in the mirror and seeing someone else’s face. Deep down I knew I wasn’t perfect, but subconsciously I thought is as at least doing a pretty good job making everyone else think I was. The fact was, I wasn’t. I was viewing myself through the lens of intention and not the lens of fact. I was failing.  I was over committed, under connected, and inwardly struggling. I wasn’t as successful as I thought. My house wasn’t as clean as I thought. My body wasn’t as fit as I thought. And I wasn’t as impactful as I thought.

Striving for perfection is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. With a lot of effort, it can appear full but there is constant need for more—to do more, try more, be more! And that leak eventually leave the bucket empty and unfulfilled.

It wasn’t until I kicked the bucket to the curb, and said “ENOUGH” to striving for perfection, enough to needing external validation, enough to craving accomplishment to feel worthy, that I can rest in imperfection gladly and feel full, whole, and enough.

I learned that I can’t be perfect, nor do I need to be. I can do my best and I can aim at success and growth and accomplishment, but my worth is no longer handcuffed to my perfectionism.

Honnestly, this is still a struggle and a process. I recently fell back into that perfectionism pattern and I lost something valuable in that experience. I was hyper focused on creating the perfect homecoming for my husband who was away traveling, that I ran around doing all the errands, I cleaned the house, I made is favorite dessert, and even left him a small gift to find upon his return. But I was so worried about on creating that perfect scene that I had lost my focus in the process. Was I doing all this for him or for me to look like an amazing wife. I love my husband tremendously, but in this specific occasion, I had let my perfectionism take over.

Brene Brown says that perfectionism at it’s core is not about striving to be your best, it is about trying to earn approval and acceptance.  She also says that healthy striving is self-focused on becoming your best, whereas perfectionism is other focused and more concerned with what others will think.

So when I fall into these patterns I have to ask,

Why am I doing this? What is my motive?

Am I doing this for me or for others?

I don’t want to be perfect anymore. I want to be me. 

Authentic, Messy, Growing and Beautifully Enough.