Scheduling Matters

I love this question... Can you SHOW me your PRIORITIES on your CALENDAR? 

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As you are thinking ahead to your year ahead many will say they are prioritizing their personal goals, work goals, family goals, or relationship goals... But the question is are those priorities on your calendar. In Ink. Every Week. 

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I am married to my best friend and man of my dreams, but part of Jim and I’s marriage testimony is that there was a time when I had everything ELSE on my calendar than time with him. I describe it like we were on two airplanes traveling In the same direction. We were going places, but we weren’t connecting deeply. Part of that was my personal issues with emotions (another post for another day) and part of that was I was too FREAKING busy doing everything else and not spending time with him. Or time we did have was focused on household management, parenting, serving in the church, or group socializing. 

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If you want to deepen your relationship and strengthen your marriage this year... put it on your Calendar!! Mark out date nights, schedule days to bring flowers or small gifts , put reminders in your phone to text them that you’re thinking of them.... whatever works for you! 

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We have lots of little tips and tricks we do daily to keep that spark and connection alive!! And I will be honest, when I decided to reprioritize my marriage, I had to put them on a checklist. That might sound unromantic but now I will tell you I do them without even a thought and the romance is alive and thriving! 

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We schedule what we prioritize. How would it feel to be someone’s priority? To have them pouring into your relationship on the regular? Would it matter if they had to write it down or set a reminder?

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I’ll tell you, it feels amazing! I say now that Jim and I are not only in the same plane, but I am sitting on his lap... that is what prioritizing can do.

Happy New Year!!! Yesterday, I shared how I was struggling with my 2019 goals because I had focused on the places I had come up short, I wasn’t being negative, just real. I think sharing how my brain processes through emotions sometimes is good because I bet if I am struggling in an area, chances are, so is someone else. But I also want to share the solution! 

When I really reflected on 2018, it was an absolutely incredible year of growth and achievement! 

Here are a few of the goals I did set and achieve in 2018. PS, I put my goals in “I am” statements... 

I am a loving and caring mom

I am a passionate and playful wife

I am a successful business woman

I am on 31 Leadership Council

I learn everyday

I inspire women daily

I live an adventurous life

I am a strong athlete

I have a tribe of amazing friends

I have focus and determination 

I am a hard worker 

I am beautiful and enough

I am empowered 

So the question is who am I going to be in 2019? That is how you set your goal! 

#happynewyear #iam #beautifullyenough

Dream Unlimited

I went to make my dream board yesterday and I just could NOT do it... I started opening up my journals, coaching notes, binders, and planners from 2018 and I got totally overwhelmed! I looked at my 2018 goals, at all the ones I DIDN’T achieve and it froze me in that place of self-doubt... what did you even do in 2018, Becky!?
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I felt defeated. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like all that hard work was not enough. That I was not enough. I could not focus, my brain turned to mush.... the 2019 goals and dream board was NOT happening.
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Jim looked over at me and said, “Let’s go for a walk...” because he could literally feel the anxiety and frustration radiating from me.
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Even though I had reached some goals, I did hit others... I wanted to grow my Thirty-One team to 100, we hit 98. I wanted to read 52 books, and I only read 36. I wanted to help more leaders on my team promote, than I did. See the struggle. But Jim made me focus on what I had done... the numbers I did meet, the trips we had taken, the people I had helped, the growth we had achieved.
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Then it hit me... when I make my dream board for 2019 and I peel of the pictures from 2018 and re-paste them on the new board, it doesn’t symbolize failure... it symbolizes continuing the journey. NOT EVERY GOAL CAN BE REACHED IN ONE YEAR!!!
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It’s not a failure if your dream takes longer than you expect.. it’s only a failure if you stop trying! So bring on the next 365 days to reach those goals and make dreams come true!! #unlimited #empowered #goals

Joyful Presence

When our to do lists are long and our days are full, like during the holiday season, it is easy to get overwhelmed and even frantic to the point we miss the real point!! I believe we are able to embrace the crazy without becoming crazy if we check our hearts and perspectives and keep them focused on the gift that every person, every event, and every memory truly is! By being Present!
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But how do we become more present? The best way to start giving undivided attention is to stop DIVIDING your attention. Studies have shown that humans are truthfully incapable of multitasking.
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Marcus Buckingham wrote…. If you are doing more than one thing at a time, you are doing them both poorly. You may think that you are the exception to the rule, that you are a great multitasker… YOUR NOT!.
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If you don’t believe me, try out a little experiment. Without mentioning why or making a big deal out of it, try giving your child, spouse, friend, mom, lunch lady (whoever) your FULL undivided attention. That means put down the iphone, shut off the radio, turn off the TV, close the magazine and really listen, play, engage in the moment.
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For me this can be difficult. I have this scrolling marque in my mind of the TO DO list. I get it, you have a lot to do.
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But you can choose to Turn that Sucker OFF sometimes and JUST BE. JUST BE…. What would you BE if all you were was Present? Would you be calmer? Less stressed? Happier? Bored? Joyful?
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Do you think your Presence will fill your children with Joy to have someone to play with? Your husband with joy to not have to fight Facebook for your attention? Or fill your mom with joy when you don't rush her off the phone?
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Who can you bring JOY to today with your Presence?

Have You Asked?

Do you ever ASK how you can be better? 

Not just ask yourself the tons of ways we THINK we should be better. 

But, do you ever ask the actual people you want to be better for? 

Recently, Jim and I asked our kids... what can we do to be better parents? And the answers were surprising! I expected less chores and later bedtimes( I was only partially right!) 

💕Samantha wanted me to read to her alone every night. 

💕Shiloh wanted 15 minutes of undivided attention when she comes home from school to talk about her day (without me staring at my computer). 

💕And Joshua wanted a much later bedtime on the weekend to game with his friends.

Done. Done. Done.

Being better and showing up big for those you love isn’t always about the big things, it’s about what matters to them! 

So who can you ask?

•How can I be a better mommy to you?

•How can I be a better wife to you?

•How can I be a better friend to you? 

•How can I be a better leader to you?

•How can I be a better employee to you? 

And don’t forget to ask yourself... How can I be better to YOU this upcoming year!! 

Who wants to be better in 2019??

Marry Your Best Friend

When we were in Atlantis, a friend of mine had brought a girlfriend as her guest. She introduced her as “my best friend who I make bad decisions with”. Without missing a beat I introduced Jim, “this is my best friend who I make bad decisions with.” I can honestly say that I am married to my best friend.

Our journey has not always been easy, and along with the joys in the highlights, we have overcome many challenges. But I can say that getting through the good, the bad, and the ugly has brought us to a place of our best lives and our best relationship. This is not to minimize my amazing girlfriends whose friendships I also cherish, but I will say being married to your best friend is pretty freaking amazing, but it takes intention! I heard Rachel Hollis say today that her husband is her best friend first and then her husband and I couldn’t agree more! 

And because I am practical, for those of you who might be wondering how to foster this friendship with your spouse here are some practical tips: 

1. 

Make time with your spouse a priority. That deep relationship requires intentional time together. Period. We all know life is super busy, so if you’re not intentional with creating that time and guarding that time, it’s less likely to happen! Make it happen!!

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Never stop learning about each other. Ask each other one question a day in person or over text. It can be as simple as, what is your favorite pie? Or As deep as, what is something that you fear? The point is to be continually connecting and learning about each other. There are some great apps and websites with questions to choose from!

3. 

Be physically connected with your spouse. This is not just in the bedroom (which is also super important) but in life too!! Hold hands, sit next each other, hug in the kitchen.... heck, kiss in the kitchen!! Physical closeness helps each partner feel connected and secure! 

4. 

Grow together!! One of the most challenging seasons of our marriage was when Jim and I were growing in different paces or different directions because it ended up creating a distance between us. But when we grow and learning together, it’s a shared experience and a deeper connection. This can be as simple as reading the same book, taking a class together, watching a documentary together, volunteering together!! And here’s a suggestion: learn something that your spouse is into even if you’re not. I learned to play Magic the Gathering with Jim and he learned to do yoga. So if your husband is a golfer, give golf at try!! 

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Don't be afraid to go through the hard stuff together... to flight it out, to go to counseling, to talk about your deepest feeling and biggest fears. Be vulnerable, be open and be honest. When you open your heart, even the parts you are afraid to and your spouse does too, it creates a bond that is deep and real and true.

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Have fun together, be silly, make new adventures!! If you treat your spouse like your best friend, they will become it!! And then you can also make some bad decisions together, and that is often where the real fun is!!

Digital Distractions

This device has the world at your fingertips... 
anything you could ever want to learn is available for you!! 
It is also the biggest distraction from your goals you will ever face!! 

Here are my success tips for screen management: 

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 Give yourself time for reflection and planning in the am BEFORE looking at any notifications. Whatever that morning routine looks like for you... gratitude, prayer, meditation, goal review, etc. DO THAT FIRST. Otherwise your brain will begin the day already distracted. 

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Know what tasks you need to do on your phone and do them first. Make a list of the tasks, contacts, follow ups, posts and work the list BEFORE being social!! This prevents spending hours online and getting NOTHING done!

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Give yourself non-phone time during the day to give your eyes and brain a break!! Often, You may feel overwhelmed because you overwhelmingly YOURSELF with posts, pins, tweets, and stories! Give your brain planned breaks!! 

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Likewise, a digital sunset is a must... pick a time that works for you and commit to not looking at your phone AT ALL between that time and the morning! This is especially vital if you can’t sleep at night!! Staring at your screen only makes it worse! Use that restless time to think, read a REAL book, journal, or just lay there! Some of my BEST ideas come to me in the quiet of the night!!