You are Courageous

You are Courageous

'Boy On High Dive' by Norman Rockwell

Have you ever jumped off a high dive? I remember riding my bike with my friends to the public pool on hot summer days, and I also remember never having the courage to jump off the high dive. I could swim, but I couldn’t jump. The other kids would go in a steady stream up the ladder, off the board, to the pool edge and back again. The funny part, is I never even tried to jump. I didn’t even have to courage to make it to the bottom of the ladder because I knew there was no way I was going off that board!

That may have seemed like a low point of courage for me, but in reflection I realized it got much lower over time, not outwardly but inwardly. The truth is, I have done a number of outwardly courageous actions over my life time, but with inward emotionlessness. In reality, these acts weren’t very courageous at all, because there was no fear, no risk, no feeling, or no vulnerability involved.  

For example, I traveled alone as a teenager to multiple enrichment activities, not knowing a soul or what to expect without an ounce of fear. I spoke to an arena of commencement attendees and my heart never even fluttered with nerves. I boarded a 22-hour flight with a newborn to move to a foreign country without even batting an eyelash. I created multiple community groups without the single thought of “what if they don’t like me.” I gave birth to my third child without my deployed husband and was home to bathe my two older kiddos within 24 hours. Courage? or a Mask?

A mask of courage without emotion was how I operated and achieved many things, but lost so much more in the process. Because I shielded my emotions, I had the inability to feel stress deeply, but also the inability to feel happiness beyond the same shallow depth. It made me very effective but not very affected. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to go deeper emotionally, that I not only felt fear, shame, doubt, but also love, adoration, and joy!

I share this part of my journey because I think a lot of us are playing the part of the courageous woman without fully opening up our hearts. Outwardly, we are strong and mighty, getting more life done with less time, but in the process becoming more and more numb as the weeks and months go by.

Courage has become synonymous with images of war-fighters and world-changer, with those who have strength in the face of pain or the ability to do something that frightens them.

But the root of the word is Cor from the Latin word for heart.

My question is what frightens us more than opening our heart to others and risk it being hurt. What takes more courage than to put yourself “out there” authentically and face rejection. What takes more courage than to share unpopular beliefs and endure the backlash.  The more we open our hearts, the more courage it takes to be real and be seen and be unashamed of who we are.  However, hiding behind the mask of false courage, can never compare to the feeling of being vulnerable and accepted, being real and supported, being truly you and truly loved.

Be Courageous, Feel the Fear, and Be Beautifully Enough.

You are Busy

The story of Mary and Martha has strategically popped into book studies, Sunday sermons, radio encouragement, and conversations at my most frazzled and busy moments. 

It always convicts the Martha in me and inspires the Mary in me to do less and be filled more. But reading it today it struck me in a new way! "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things..." Yes, Jesus is encouraging Martha to slow down and to sit and to learn at his feet, however I think there is an additional urging.

I hear him saying, "Martha, Martha, it is ok to be busy serving but not with anxiety in that service. It is ok to do, as long as it doesn't distract from the purpose of doing. It is ok to have a full day, as long as it is done with a full heart." When our to do lists are long and our days are crazy, like during the holiday season, it is easy to get overwhelmed and even frantic to the point we miss the real point!! I believe we are able to embrace the crazy without becoming crazy if we check our hearts and perspectives and keep them focused on the gift that every person, every event, and every memory truly is!
Take time to read a real book, listen to a podcast, doodle with no purpose, drive in silence or try meditation. I LOVE social media, but my brain, body, and soul are being renewed with less time connected and more time connecting!!